Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
