I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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