Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
