My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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