I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
