There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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