Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
