I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
