I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
