Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
