its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
