The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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