i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
