11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.