i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
