Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
