Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
