I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
