I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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