Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up under a house in Key West
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