I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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