it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
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hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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