you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
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I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.