When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
