I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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