I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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