I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
