honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
