I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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