I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize