i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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