I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
