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Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Someone shattered a urinal.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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