Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
