I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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