I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
