I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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