If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
