i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
