I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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