dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
he was CRYING into my vagina
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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