just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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