I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
