You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
