i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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