So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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