I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
