I can't breathe out the right side of my face
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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