You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We talked him into tasing himself.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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