Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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