Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
