I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm gonna fight the coyote
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
