i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
