dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize