One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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