Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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