His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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