She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
