I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
