I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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