If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
