OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I look better un-naked...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
